Breaking the Cycle of Addiction

We are all addicted to something, it’s just a question of owning up to your preferred poison. Addiction is part of the human condition. A lot of us are addicted to something because it takes pain away. Living things do not like to be uncomfortable. We all have a universal desire to avoid discomfort and the things we are addicted to shield us from experiencing the undesirable. Let’s do some reflecting right now. Think on the things that you do compulsively and ask yourself, “Does doing this help me avoid something?” Do you Facebook to see what is interesting, what is going on? Or do you do it because you can’t sit with your own thoughts and feelings? Exercise, religion, coffee, sugar, food, porn, internet, drugs… We can insert any word into the blank. We are all slaves to some sort of addiction, whether you call it addiction or dependency or whatever you want to call that thing that you do to make you feel whole and okay again.

The bad news is this makes everyone an addict, the good news is it is completely normal. We have just established everyone is an addict. The difference comes when your addiction goes from the backseat of your car, to becoming your co-pilot, then suddenly has placed itself squarely in the driver’s seat before you even realized you lost control. Nobody ever says, “I want to be a drug addict when I get older!” or, “I plan to get addicted to a behavior that will destroy my life one day!” But it happens, all of us are no more than one or two steps away from the negative cycle of addiction.

So the question is, why do we become addicted or hopeless and how do we get set free from it? I am going to give you one main thing that can change any person, any community, one thing that can change us or a loved one. But first I will give you the two reasons I feel that people start to use drugs, abuse drugs or engage in any other risky behaviors that take control of their lives.

Reason one: Most people I work with are stuck in a mindset I have identified as the “warrior state of mind:” A true warrior is always in survival mode and always on guard, their mind never resting, waiting and watching for the next strike to come. This mindset causes people to be enslaved to themselves and sucks all hope out of life. Without hope you cannot have change. They are focused solely on getting through the day in once piece. This state of mind can begin as early as childhood. We can all have different levels of this “warrior state of mind.” Being on constant guard is exhausting and painful, so we then use drugs, or whatever risky behavior, to mask the pain.

Reason two: Loss of identity. Absence of a clear picture of who we are and who we are becoming leaves room for all sorts of bad decisions. For a young person who has not yet formed a strong identity of who he/she is, they will be looking to everyone around them for answers. If a teen’s inner circle, their parents, friends, or siblings, are all telling them it is okay and normal to use drugs or engage in other risky behaviors, they start to run out of reasons not to. Peer pressure has a deep root of a feeling of not belonging and rejection that stems from not knowing who you are. One teen told me about how he does chores around the house: he takes out the garbage, cleans all the dishes, vacuums and other things that need to be done. I, impressed, said, “Wow that is great!” Then he went on to tell me how his parents pay him to do all these chores with weed. Our culture is shaping our youth’s identity and it is up to us to reshape it and introduce a new identity.

The Fix

“Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.” (Robert Palmer)

The number one way to switch a person’s perspective and give them hope is not through a program or a plan, it is through love. Without love there is no hope, without love there is no freedom. Without love, we have nothing. Love builds a connection, a bond, a relationship. We humans are wired to bond and connect.

Gambling, drugs, violence, and other risky behaviors all come from a lack of love. The end game in life, the reason we do everything we do is because deep down we want to be loved. Love produces hope, hope produces freedom. Love heals the soul. Love can change any person, any neighborhood; it can change your community. We live in a society where everyone is so caught up in self that it produces a drug fueled culture where everyone is trying to avoid the pain and discomfort of life.

Think about it: we are built to connect and to bond. We are created to connect. Do you pull out your cell phone all the time? Why? Because we are addicted to connections. A new study has shown that the average person reaches for their cell phone 85 times a day. That is once every 11 minutes.

One of my favorite studies that speaks to the need for relationship is called Rat Park. Researchers took a group of rats and isolated them, one rat to one cage with nothing to do. The rats were given two water bottles, one with drugs and water and the other with just water. 100 percent of the time the rats died from overdosing.

Then the researchers created a Rat Park. This time, rather than isolation, the rats were placed in a cage with other rats in it and all sorts of games and rides. They placed the same water bottles, one with drugs and one without, in the cage. Whereas before, every rat overdosed, this time not one did. Why? Because relationships change lives.

John’s Story:

I was working with a young teen that we will call John. John walked into my office; I was running a voluntary program I created at a local high school. John wanted help cutting back on smoking weed. Smoking weed was problematic and harmful for John because he was getting frequently suspended from school, which shockingly played a big part in him failing every one of his classes. So John’s addiction (his behavior that he used to mask his discomfort) was playing a negative role in John’s life. We started talking over some pizza and I asked him, “John, what kind of job do you want? How can I help you achieve something better for your life?” John looked at me and said, “I want to work at the dollar store.” “That is great, I will get you an application and we can fill it out tomorrow.” I then push a little harder: “John, what dream job do you want? When you are done with high school, what do you want to do? Because I want to help you reach that dream.” John took a bite of his pizza and thought for a few seconds, I sat there waiting for the answer. It’s important to know that John was incredibly talented in art and was especially skilled at computers. In my mind this kid had a lot of options. He then looked at me and said, “I don’t know,” (I still anticipated a great answer, I think, “Here comes astronaut or computer designer”), “I would want to work at Walmart.”

Right then I sat back and thought to myself, “Why was this John’s response? With his whole life ahead of him, why does his vision end at Walmart? Walmart’s great, I shop there all the time but is that really all he wants for the rest of his life?” So how did I help John not only stop smoking weed but also get a vision for his life beyond his current vision? I helped John form a new image of himself and helped him overcome his “warrior state of mind” through a loving, intentional relationship.

So, when you work with teens or anyone that you want to spark change in, the first thing you have to do is intentionally build a relationship. Nothing is more effective than a trusting relationship, especially in a teen’s life. Create a connection. This is the main thing that can change behavior. There are hundreds of studies out there that say for every positive relationship a teen has in his or her life the less likely they are to use or abuse drugs and engage in other risky behaviors. Making good choices comes from the guidance of someone that has cared about and loved that person. Speak life into a person because the majority of the time nobody is speaking positive things to them or about them. Build them up. Point out and work on strengths, not weaknesses. People will live up to the expectations you set for them.

Love gives back, love sparks change, love produces hope, love puts other people first.

The Challenge:

If you’re reading this, I have a challenge for you. Right now I want you to take a few seconds and start thinking of the most important people in your life. Now I want you to actually write down 3–5 people who mean the most to you. Here is the challenge: write down ways that you are going to go out of your way to show those people that you love them over this next week. Ask yourself daily what can I create out of love? Who can I change out of love? Who can I give hope to out of love?

Life is short, it’s a vapor, here one second, gone another. If you want to impact change in someone’s life forever, if you want to give someone hope, then love them as if this was your last chance and watch people’s lives, communities, your community, the world, change.

Please check out my TEDx Talk about this topic.

https://youtu.be/JCqo0I5bs3Y

Bio:

I wrote an entire book that became a Amazon best seller (Freedom Clause: 14 Amendments to Freedom) that has 14 steps on how to switch a mind set and offers a path to freedom. I want to focus on just one of those steps, one way to change a person’s perspective and give them hope; hope for change, hope for a better life, and hope to get out of the warrior state of mind and be able to look beyond just survival mode: hope for any one of us to embrace our addiction and make sure it never becomes the driver in our life.